I recently took a Personality Test. Not just one test, actually, several. Because I am an Obsessive-Compulsive.
Too bad there wasn’t an ‘Are you an Obsessive-Compulsive Personality’ personality test. I suppose the originators of the tests just went ahead and figured that whoever spends three hours indulging in personality tests need not commit to such a test, so why state the obvious.

Thanks to a web site that I found thumbing through the pages of a supermarket checkout line rag, I have found myself with a multitude of lost hours and a bank of useless information that no one in their right mind would entertain.

That never stopped me before and so I will simply jump right in. My ‘Theme Song’ (test #146) is “Dancing Queen” by Abba, that dreadful band who wanted to be the Bee Gees but couldn’t quite grasp how. I have never liked Abba and never will like Abba, therefore I was more than a smidge insulted when I learned that my life, as I had come to know it, was to revolve around one of their singles. Unable to live with such information, I took the test again, this time changing the answers to what I thought were some key questions. After four pages and thirty questions, I learned my new musical fate:

“Walking on Sunshine.”

Resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to win that one, I stumbled on what was not really a test but a virtual contraption called the ‘Wedding Date Predictor.’ Through this little invention, I have learned that I shall be married by June 18, 2009. I must call the caterer and send out the invitations (as according to Test #187, “Are You a Procrastinator?” I am not. I cannot wait until June 18th, as nothing affords me more pleasure than to ask 200 people to gaze at my fleeting beauty while they eating a sub-par meal atop a fancy tablecloth while I secretly have a chuckle because, as it is my “special day,” they cannot complain.
I am satisfied with the Wedding Date Predictor. 2009 gives me a few strong years to prepare myself for the poor bastard who dares call himself my husband. Because as you see, according to Test #241, ‘Are you Ready to Settle Down,’ I am not. So I’m going to try and learn before June 18, 2009. On a more macabre note, on Test #327, ‘Are You Ready to Meet Your Maker,’ I tested as being more than prepared to meet my “maker.” Should I meet my “maker” prior to June 18, 2009, I can only hope that my friends will refer to my funeral as “my special day” where they still eat a sub-par meal while glancing at my (already fled) beauty.